WWE BattleGround Predictions!!

Welcome to another round of Enuffa PPV Predictions!  Today we'll dissect the upcoming WWE BattleGround card.

 

Current Standings: Justin - 23, Dan - 19, out of a possible 28

Despite solidly being a B-level PPV sandwiched between Money in the Bank and SummerSlam, and despite Daniel Bryan still being out of action, I gotta say the BattleGround show looks pretty damn enticing on paper.  There are seven matches on the main show, all of which have some sort of intrigue for me, and a Divas pre-show match.

Pre-Show Match: Cameron vs. Naomi

The former Funkadactyls (who would've thought a year ago that of the four Funka-team members only the two women would still be on the roster now?  I have basically no interest in this match, but it should be noted that Naomi can go in the ring.

Thomas the Tank Engine Pisses Me Off

People who know me are well aware of the fact that I get worked up to absurd levels about stupid shit that in the long run affects no one.  Hell, if you've been reading my work on this website you've probably gotten a more than adequate sense of this.

Well sir, today I'll be bitching about my son's favorite television program, Thomas the Tank Engine.  For those of you who aren't familiar, Thomas the Tank Engine takes place on the fictional island of Sodor in a time and place vaguely resembling turn-of-the-century England.  All the major characters are anthropomorphic train engines.  They all speak to each other, have thoughts and feelings, and each episode often parallels events that young children go through, and contain a life lesson at the end.

Now due to my own unreasonably vigorous awareness of logic (or lack thereof) I get super analytical watching these stupid shows.  There are multiple episodes where the trains are hauling large, poorly secured objects on their flatbeds, and inevitably at some point they go over a bump and the object falls off. 


For instance there's an episode where Thomas has to move a giant tank of bubble soap from one location to another (this clown Mr. Bubbles needs them to get his bubble soap to the venue where he's performing), and as he goes over bumps, the soap spills out all over the place.  Now look, I accept the fact that these are magical trains who can speak and think and are cognizant.  What I cannot accept is that any self-respecting railroad engineer of any intelligence would load a large vat of liquid onto a train flatbed WITHOUT A COVER. 

Yeah this looks like a sound plan.  Dick.

Who, in the name of all things holy, THE FUCK, would ever convey any large quantity of liquid in this fashion??  It should be noted that Thomas doesn't realize the soap is spilling, and by the end of his journey is aghast to discover the tank is empty.  Yup, every single drop of goddamn bubble juice is strewn about Sodor.  Christ, did Thomas unwittingly run over a pile of Cadillacs on his way to the party??