Dear God, MORE Deflategate News?!?!

Somehow, someway, like a festering boil, the NFL created drama known as Deflategate just won't end. The NFL requested an expedited hearing for their appeal of the vacating of Tom Brady's 4-game suspension for his alleged knowledge of a deflated ball conspiracy.

Criminal Mastermind Tom Brady

Yesterday, the Second Circuit Court of Appeals announced that oral arguments could begin as early as Feb. 1, 2016, days before the Patriots play in the Super Bow (Yeah, I said it, what the hell), all over air that was most assuredly not missing from 11 of 12 footballs.

Pictured above the playful dolphin performing tricks is the NFL's
public enemy #1 beating up the palm tree: Air. That bastard.

The NFL has decided that after getting demolished publicly in a court of law it wanted to get beat up again, and fast! Seriously, how the FUCK are we still talking about this? This is the most overblown (Editor's Note: Or is it "underblown?") "controversy" in the history of sports. The fact that the NFL cannot let this go goes to show what an ego Commissioner Roger Goodell has. Let's go over some actual facts here:


1. There is no actual proof any air was ever intentionally removed from the goddamn footballs. None. Science proves the natural deflation of the footballs, not some dark conspiracy in a backroom under the supervision of an evil, cheating quarterback.

2. The NFL lied in documents about Brady's testimony, which was under oath and open to charges of perjury. They did this thinking the pertinent documents would never be publicly released. They were, and the egg on Goodell's face was ostrich-sized.

3. A FEDERAL FUCKING JUDGE said that the NFL and the Commissioner lied in his ruling. Let that sit with you. Regardless of what team you are a fan of, this is the actual news that has come from all of this. Goodell & company lied to create a false narrative to dish out an unprecedented punishment. A judge called him out on it. And somehow, people are still concerned about what may or may not have happened to some footballs before a game in January. Those people are either illiterate or intentionally naive.

So we now have to deal with this for at least another media cycle leading to another Super Bowl. All for a quarterback currently DESTROYING the NFL. That's right, the man who is under the most scrutiny of all time concerning PSI in a football, the man that is accused of needing to deflate those footballs to be successful, is currently putting up MVP numbers with those same footballs. His Vengeance Tour shall continue after his current bye week. There's no doubt about that. And hopefully after the Super Bowl, Brady can wave goodbye to the courtroom shenanigans after beating the NFL there again. With 5 rings on his fingers.