31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: ATM

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies. Have since I was a wee lad when my Aunt showed me Psycho. Been hooked since. Halloween is on its way so I'll be watching and reviewing a scary flick every day. There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on the Twitter box with #31Movies31Days  

Day One:  ATM (2012)
Director - David Brooks
Starring - Brian Geraghty, Alice Eve and Josh Peck.

Yes, I also thought this was Urban Legend

When I read there was a horror movie called 'ATM' I was excited at the thought of a haunted cash machine charging exorbitant fees whilst killing big breasted, naked co-eds. Alas, that's not what this is about. (Ok, I lied, I thought it was an ass-to-mouth movie starring Alice Eve. Now that you're wiser, don't make the same mistake).

No, what we have here is a film about three friends trapped in an ATM in subzero temps as a killer lurks outside. These three shitbags, none very likable, all have a contrived reason to get into this ATM without cellphones. Of course.

Your heroes, Fake Stiffler, Hot Blonde and Henry Rowengartner

Meanwhile, for reasons never fully explained, there's a guy outside that's intent on killing our heroes...but can't enter the ATM. He keeps bumping off strangers that show up in the parking lot (at 2AM no less), but never enters the ATM to kill off the main characters. Perhaps he forgot his secret code (It's Bosco. I always go back to my dark master, the cocoa bean).

The movie is filled with implausibilities. The killer bludgeons a security guard...who evidently doesn't need to check in or have a supervisor.  To attract the fire department, the kids start a fire in a metal bucket, which is never too hot to pick up. Most egregiously, at one point, Fake Stiffler and Blondie go outside the ATM to help Gardenhoser while the maniac is otherwise occupied and then inexplicably go back into the ATM instead of running for their fucking lives. It's like the writer decided only morons would watch this (wait a minute...).

THE GOOD: I was actually interested in the killer's motivation. And once the twist was shown, I was more interested in what he would do next than what he did in this flick. Damn shame.

THE BAD: The characters are paper thin. They give you no reason to care about them. They continuously do stupid shit, and you want them dead so you can watch something else. Plus, the idiotic ideas the characters have are so bad as to be insulting. It's so annoying.

THE DUMB: For a horror movie, there's zero scares. Any kind of possible terror is really telegraphed beforehand.

SHIT OR HIT?: Absolute SHIT. Skip it.