The One Thing Wrong With "Ken" Griffey Jr.

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

One of the most dynamic baseball players in the history of the sport, Ken Griffey Jr. was a joy to watch every time he played. "The Kid" was always a good time and his playful spirit was infectious for both other players and us fans that watched him. I’m not the first to say this but he had probably the best, most natural swing baseball has ever seen.

NEED TISSUES, STAT!

Yesterday, he was inducted into the Hall of Fame. He missed becoming the first unanimous choice for the Hall by three votes. Three measly votes! At first I thought “those three voters should be shot." Look at these stats!

One of the most fun athletes I’ve ever watched. Perhaps the only thing missing from his resume was a World Series victory. But alas, he’s still one of the best I’ve ever seen. I had his storied Upper Deck Rookie card from 1989 (two of them, in fact). I was convinced those were going to be my nest egg. I had grandiose visions of eventually selling them for untold riches and buying myself plenty of scantily clad sluts based solely off of those baseball cards (I eventually sold both about 10 years ago for maybe 25 bucks...so I bought a 30 pack). Maybe those three voters thought about his injured years in Cincinnati, or they didn’t like his playful demeanor on the field. But then I dug deeper (I went to Wikipedia) and I figured it out. Look at this:

George? His real name is fucking GEORGE? I’VE BEEN LIED TO FOR YEARS!! When I think of the name George, I don’t think of a backwards baseball caps or moonshots in Seattle. I think of curious monkeys or lying Yankees assistants to the traveling secretaries.

Nice swing, "Ken"

This seems worse to me than any PED use or lying about steroids. "Ken’s" real name is the same as that old weirdo in the park that throws breadcrumbs at birds so he has someone to talk to. George is not a Hall of Famer. George is the kind of guy that buys generic peanut butter and shops at the second hand store for underpants. Those three guys that didn’t vote for him got it right. GET HIM OFF THE BALLOT! George. What a stiff.