The Dive Bars of America: The Harbor Inn (Ocean City, MD)

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

Back with another edition of The Dive Bars of the Good Ol’ U.S. of A. I’ve got a 5-category rating system between 1 and 4 handlebar mustaches, which is the preferred mustache by 9 out of 10 old timers in dive bars.

Harbor Inn

216 Somerset St

Ocean City, MD 21842

Being from Boston, I miss out on a lot of things offered in bars outside of Massachusetts. We have no happy hour here, and it’s essentially ruined my life. Oh sure, I can go out and buy a bottle of Bud Light for $6.25 but how am I supposed to get messed up off three beers? (Here’s a secret: Ludes). Therefore, I am forced to venture elsewhere to find happy hours, and on my most recent trip to OC, I stumbled upon this gem of a bar down by the waterfront. The Harbor Inn is a rectangular room with a misshapen floor, a ceiling that’s far too low, and patrons with nary a full set of teeth among them. So, it’s heaven.


Fun Factor: There’s enough to do here that doesn’t involve drinking. There’s a pool table, a touchscreen game and TVs for your sports-watching. Why you would waste your time with any of that when there’s GALLONS of cheap booze hanging out is beyond me. Get your priorities in line, young man.

Cast of Regulars:. This is what you’d call a "Locals Bar." It’s like Cheers, but with more alcoholics. And the locals, at first, don’t take to kindly to strangers. I walked in and you could hear that record scratch. They looked at me like I had shit dripping out of my ears. But then, a patron by the juke box cracked a somewhat suggestive joke, I laughed, and I became one of the gang. By the time I left, I had heard some new and very colorful vulgarities being spewed from the drunken mouths of all my new friends. It was a pleasure.

Booze Choices: I’m pretty sure they only had two, Natty Light and Bud. Maybe Coors Light as well. That’s all you need. You’re not going here to get your vodka infused smokey tangerine asshole martini. You’re here TO DRINK. Plus they were dirt cheap. The guy behind the stick gave me the tab and it came to roughly 92 cents. That’s an estimate, as I was far too drunk to actually read it.

Stench: The Harbor Inn loses major points here. The door was open the day I was there and we were experiencing solid wind activity due to Tropical Storm Hermineoine. So the stench in the bar, which I’m sure on normal days is ample, was swept out to sea. Which is a shame, cause with that carpeting, busted up roof and the thatched wooden overhang on top of the bar, the smell must be AMAZING.

OVERALL: This is a legendary bar in Ocean City and it’s easy to see why. It’s a take no prisoners, leave your manners at the door drinking hole. It’s damn near PERFECT. I’ll hafta put in some more research the next time I’m in the area. Which means more happy hour beers. See you folks in the emergency room, huh?

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