Game of Thrones Season 7, Episode 2: Stormborn

To properly review this episode, I need to start at the ending. Because that's where the meat of the show took place. And this happened.

I AM VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE!!!

Somehow, some way, as Yara & her fleet were attacked on their way to King's Landing COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE by another armada of ships. How, you may ask? I have no fucking clue. No idea how a vast plethora of oncoming warships could be completely missed by EVERYONE in Yara's charge. Just defies logic. 

All bellyaching aside, this battle scene was ok. It killed a lotta people, and wiped out a good portion of the annoying Sand Snakes. But the way it was edited & the darkness of the night battle made it really hard to understand what the hell was going on at times. Everyone was dressed in black too. How do you know if you're killing the enemy or your friends? If I was in this battle, I woulda wiped out a minimum of 5 of my buddies. Easy. 

And they're really going all in with Euron as the new big bad guy, huh? He comes in on a ship with an iron drawbridge and crushes a dead. That's a hell of an entrance. Though it's gonna take a little more for me to fear a man whose name sounds far too close to urine. It turns out Euron's promise to bring back Cersei a nice gift is bringing back the very woman that killed her daughter, Ellaria Sand. She's in trouble...

It turns out that Theon had a little more Reek in him than he was letting on. After his uncle dispatched the sand snakes & bested Yara in combat, Euron expected Theon to come on over and try to save her. Instead, he did his best Wile E. Coyote impression and took a dive. 

I regret nothing!!!

I do not give a shit about Theon if he's gonna go back to being all Reekly & cowardly again. They got away from that and had him going in a good direction. If they return to that nonsense again, I hope Yara just offs him real quick to be done with it. 

Dragonstone

Not much happened here this week. EXCEPT FOR THE BONING!!!

So...uhh...now what?

Seriously, for this show to spend SO long on a sex scene involving a guy with no dick when they only have like 9 episodes left is such a waste of time. Don't get me wrong. Missandei gets my Valerian Steel all a flutter. But Greyworm has no sword with which to pierce her lady dragon. Pointless. 

Also, Dany ripped on Varys for trying to kill her years ago, but hey, bygones are bygones, right? What's a little murder attempt in this game of thrones, eh? They also setup their battle plans, with the aforementioned fuckup at sea to King's Landing & the Unsullied with the Dothraki heading to Casterly Rock to take down Tyrion's homeland. 

She also sent out a raven to Winterfell to let Jon Snow she'd like to meet him. Which leads to...

Winterfell 

...Jon getting said raven and heading off to meet the mother of dragons, against everyone's will. He leaves Sansa in charge while he's gone. And Little Finger is making all kinds of shady looks at her. Something's going down there, sooner rather than later. 

RESTEROS

---Arya was running around the woods and ran into her old direwolf in another random coincidence. Nymeria didn't even recognize it seemed. But the fact she didn't eat her leads me to believe this wolf is coming back to the Stark clan. She also learned from her friend Hot Pie that Jon is in charge of Winterfell & she started heading that way. 

---At King's Landing, Qyburn showed Cersei how he planned to kill the dragons. A giant ballista (I had to look that up). So a huge crossbow is gonna take down these dragons flying in the sky at unbelievable speeds, eh? I mean, logically, this would be nearly impossible to happen. But Chekov's gun and all. One of those dragons is going down. 

---At the Citadel, Sam cut Jorah up like a thanksgiving turkey trying to cure his greyscale. It was pretty gruesome looking. Like when I'm peeling after a sunburn. The transition of the scene from stabbing at Jorah's gross, puss filled skin to a spoon into a hot, pot pie almost made the lady of the house barf. Which filled me with glee. 

---Finally, I'm so glad they essentially wrapped up the Dorne story line with Euron killing just about all of them. I didn't care about them, I didn't know their names, hell, I don't think I can tell any of them apart. They screwed up what could've been a good plot. They seemed utterly unnecessary to the show at all times. Good riddance. 

We're annoying. And then we were naked. Now, we're dead. Toodles!