Jeezus that show was long. WWE's Greatest Royal Rumble, in the new tradition of WrestleMania, ran an exhausting five hours, with a near 80-minute Rumble main event. Had the show been a blowaway hit, the excessive running time (bloated with what were essentially propaganda segments designed to make everyone feel good about how far the Saudi kingdom has come, ya know, since women are allowed to drive now) could be overlooked. But sadly most of the matches came off like house show bouts, with everyone sorta going through the motions. There were a few standouts but nothing in the **** realm.
The show opened, oddly, with John Cena vs. Triple H in a textbook house show match. This moved very slowly in the first half and built to a couple false finishes, ultimately coming across like two aging wrestlers really taking it easy. As an opening match designed to get the somewhat casual audience excited this was fine. I wouldn't watch it again though. Cena won after multiple AAs for the expected feelgood ending.
Somehow after 10+ years of doing the STF, Cena still hasn't learned how to make it look painful..... |
One of the minor standouts was the Cruiserweight Title match, as Cedric Alexander and Kalisto had an energetic little battle with some innovative spots. Again, the talent in the division is quite good, they just need a true star to carry the ball. Cedric is exceedingly capable between the ropes but I don't see him as a division centerpiece. But this match was fun and served as the one real hit of the first five bouts.
The next three matches were house show-quality at best. Bray Wyatt and Matt Hardy defeated The Bar in a match that wasn't at all fitting of a tournament final. It felt like Wyatt was the only guy who really got to do anything here. How a Cesaro and Sheamus match can be totally forgettable is beyond me. So Wyatt & Hardy will presumably hold the belts for a while until the inevitable break up. Eh...
The worst match of the night, not surprisingly, was Jeff Hardy vs. Jinder. If anyone needs further evidence of Jinder's suckitude, watch the spot where Jeff goes for a Whisper in the Wind, misses by a mile, and Jinder sells it anyway. That Vince McMahon thought this guy was WWE Title-worthy still hurts my brain. Reinstate this guy as Jobber to the Stars, dude.
And the other Tag Title match was predictably short, as Harper & Rowan beat the shit out of the Usos in roughly five minutes. This was fine for what it was meant to be. I assume The New Day are next to feud with the Bludgeons.