This weekend it's the 37th annual summer spectacular (and for this lineup I use that word very loosely), WWE SummerSlam!
Yeah, this lineup sucks. I continue to be at a loss as to why this company is as hot as it is, with phoned in crap like this on their third biggest show of the year. Seven matches, six for championships, only three with any real story to them, one of which makes the company's top champion an afterthought in his own main event. I legit need it explained to me why everyone loves WWE so much. Oh, and there's gonna be a three-hour pre-show to fuck over AEW's Collision rating as much as possible. Because WWE is run by predatory shit weasels. Anyway, let's get to it....
WWE Women's Championship: Bayley vs. Nia Jax
Jesus H. Christ, this is what you came up with for SUMMERSLAM? True to WWE form Bayley had a huge babyface title win at 'Mania and she's been coasting ever since with an ice-cold reign. And then for some reason Nia Jax of all incompetents got to win Queen of the Ring to earn this title shot. Absolute drivel. I guess Nia wins, god help us.
Pick: Nia
US Championship: Logan Paul vs. LA Knight
Transphobic Trumpstain Logan Paul vs. Create-A-Wrestler LA Knight. I guess I'm rooting for Mr. Generic in this one. Paul puts on good matches, Knight puts on mediocre matches, this will fall somewhere in the middle. I feel like Paul just won this title because he's barely been around to defend it, but maybe it's finally time for Knight to get a consolation prize since he's over?
Pick: Knight
Intercontinental Championship: Sami Zayn vs. Bron Breakker
Oh good, yet another case of a heel getting a title shot when the babyface champion just beat him clean last month. Seriously, miss me with this "Booker of the Year" shit for Triple H. Dude picked up Vince's worst habits when it comes to booking babyface champions. So like, if the endgame was Bron winning this title, why didn't he just win it at Money in the Bank? And if the endgame was Bron winning this title at this show, WHY DID HE GET A SHOT AT MONEY IN THE BANK? It's not like Bron is an underdog type who has to fail on his first try and persevere to get another crack. He's a killing machine who should win titles without breaking much of a sweat. Unreal stupid.
Pick: Bron wins this time
World Women's Championship: Liv Morgan vs. Rhea Ripley
At last, a match with an actual story behind it. Liv injured Rhea a few months ago and caused her to have to vacate the title, then moved in on her dorky boyfriend (and sexually harassed him which drew really uncomfortable parallels with Vince's behavior, probably just to muddy the waters when people Google "WWE sexual misconduct"), and now Rhea has come for payback. Match should be decent but I think Rhea will be on the chase for a while longer. Liv will either cheat to win or take a DQ loss.
Pick: Liv retains
World Championship: Damian Priest vs. Gunther
Again, zero story to this other than "Gunther won King of the Ring so he gets a title shot." Priest has been a nothing-happening champion since he won it and he's not really a babyface so who are we rooting for in this one? Gunther is awesome but this pairing is heatless.
Pick: Gunther wins the secondary World Title
CM Punk vs. Drew McIntyre w/ Seth Rollins as Guest Referee
It's SummerSlam 1997 all over again, with Drew playing the role of Undertaker, Punk playing the role of Bret (he fucking wishes) and Seth as Shawn Michaels. After six months of these two petty douchebag characters taking worked-shoot snipes at each other we'll finally see them collide. And if Phil can avoid getting hurt again the match should be entertaining. It's pretty weird though that Drew is supposed to be the heel in this feud but he's 100% the sympathetic one. The prevailing prediction seems to be Seth screwing Punk, but I think this will go like 1997 did and Seth's attempt to screw Punk will backfire and he'll inadvertently help him win. I can't see Punk losing his first match since the Rumble.
Pick: Punk
WWE Championship: Cody Rhodes vs. Solo Sikoa
This is a weak-ass SummerSlam main event for two reasons. 1. Solo has beaten virtually no one of note since he debuted two years ago. In singles matches he's beaten John Cena, and then guys like AJ who lose all the time anyway. In what universe is Solo a credible threat to the company's top star? 2. The only real story here is Solo trying to take over The Bloodline (Fuck me, this angle won't. Ever. End.) and thus Cody is just a warm body to build toward Solo vs. Roman, which will no doubt draw huge numbers but will be the drizzling shits as far as a series of reptitious talking segments and as a main event match. Cody will actually be playing the part of Bret Hart 1997; despite being the champion he's going to be pushed out of the hot main event angle and sidelined with something lame while everyone goes ga-ga over his challenger's big first-time feud. WWE can't book babyface champions.
Pick: Cody retains, maybe Roman shows up, Smackdown for the next four months ends with 30-minute Bloodline segments.
Yeah, this is not my kinda lineup. Punk vs. Drew should be compelling the way Becky vs. Charlotte was a couple years ago, you hope they actually get into a fight. Bron vs. Sami should be decent and Bron is finally getting a goddamn title. Liv vs. Rhea has a story. The rest is B-show material at best.
No comments:
Post a Comment