It's a few days late, but here's my review of WWE Bash in Berlin. This was a much better show than SummerSlam and the crowd was white-hot like at Backlash France but unlike that crowd they weren't just there to chant shit the whole time, they actually responded to the action in the ring. Except during the main event when they broke into the wave for some reason. The company though decided to make it cringe by showing a decibel counter every so often. Didn't WCW do that in the early 90s? Can WWE for once NOT make something lame? Nothing on this show was bad, though nothing came close to MJF-Ospreay or Swerve-Danielson from six days earlier. For the record I went 5 for 5 on my predictions, which I only posted to Twitter. You can go look if you don't believe me....
Cody Rhodes vs. Kevin Owens opened the show and was a very good championship match that built throughout. It was undermined a bit by the need to cram in "cinema," where Cody went for a springboard cutter (I think) but his injured knee buckled and Owens refused to capitalize on the injury because as Michael Cole put it he didn't want a "tainted victory." Uhh that's not tainted guys. Tainted would be if Owens had cheated to inflict such an injury. This was just a pre-existing condition. If Owens had worked over Cody's leg during the match and injured it, he'd capitalize on it, right? How's this different? Anyway they traded all their big moves, Cody hit a pair of CrossRhodeses and went for a third but Owens countered into a stunner for a nearfall. Owens went for a swanton but Cody got the knees up and hit a third CrossRhodes for the win. A very fine match but Cody as champion still feels like Goldberg 1998, where the company cares way more about the top heel stable and their drama than finding something meaningful for its babyface champion to do. Cody's just fighting guys for the belt without a dramatic feud to hold it together. Hey if WWE wants to be known as The Land of Storytelling, I'm gonna judge them on that basis. Tough titty. ****1/4
Next up was the Women's Tag Championship, with Alba Fyre and Isla Dawn defending against Bianca Belair and Jade Cargill. As usual Bianca carried the match for her team, doing a lot, A LOT of selling to build to a hot tag. Most of the action here was pretty nondescript and it's not the most believable thing to have a freakishly athletic powerhouse like Bianca fighting from underneath for such an extended period of time. She's kind of a monster babyface. But I guess we have to make Jade look like the real monster. Jade finally tagged in and ran wild, hitting her usual offense, then inexplicably tagged Bianca back in, and Bianca went right back to fighting from underneath. Jesus. There were some nearfalls and Jade tagged herself back in and the babyfaces did their tandem DDT/wheelbarrow suplex finish to win back the titles. Hmmm, nope, still not convinced Jade can hold her own in a singles match. She's good for a couple minutes of big moves but apparently still can't be trusted to remember any more than that or to sell. **
Then came the CM Punk-Drew McIntyre Bracelet on a Pole--- er, uh, Strap Match. And this being WWE they had to find a way to cheese up a gimmick that's supposed to be about brutality, by not only making the goal to touch the four corners (dumbest gimmick match rule ever), but by having a red/green traffic light on each corner to indicate when they'd been touched and by whom. I know they've done this before but I forgot about it. So fucking lame. Drew jumped Punk before the bell and Michael Cole was OUTRAGED (despite Punk, the babyface, doing backhanded shit like this to Drew for months). Finally the match got going officially and Drew whipped him and beat him up for a little while before Punk hit a GTS. Punk declined to start touching corners and the fight spilled to the outside where Punk back body dropped Drew on the announce table. Drew hit a headbutt that seemed to hardway cut Punk's forehead. They went back and forth until Drew hit a Claymore and went for the corners. Punk stopped him after three and ran him into a chair, then started touching corners himself. Drew cut him off and threw him over the ropes through a table. They did the dumb alternating spot where the heel touches a corner and then the babyface does until they both have three. Unfortunately, as always, that makes no sense since neither guy is touching three corners uninterrupted. Fortunately the match didn't end there and they started fighting again to reset everything. Drew got the upperhand and pulled the stupid fucking bracelet out of his trunks and put it on, then touched three corners. But Punk stopped him again, hit a GTS, saw the stupid fucking bracelet (I thought Punk said this wasn't about the stupid fucking bracelet anymore), and hit another GTS. Punk touched two corners, stopped, hit another GTS (shouldn't that reset the corners?), hit the third corner, stopped, hit another GTS, put the stupid fucking bracelet on his own wrist and finally hit the fourth corner to win. Yeah the rules of this match make zero sense. If a guy touches a corner and then a wrestling move is done, that should reset it, every time. Punk interrupted his own sequence twice and won the match anyway. The good news is Drew attacked Punk the next night and tore up the stupid fucking bracelet, we'll never see it again. This was fine, and a damn sight better than their abysmal SummerSlam match, but if you wanna see a real Strap Match, watch Bryan Danielson vs. Ricky Starks from last year. That match bitchslaps the stupid fucking bracelet off this one. ***3/4
The usual death spot went to Rhea Ripley & Damian Priest (now going by the cheeseball name of The Terror Twins) vs. Liv Morgan and Dominik Mysterio. This was your basic mixed tag match until midway through when Rhea got the hot tag and beat the crap out of Liv, then turned her attention to Dom, who begged off but got an ass-whipping anyway. Liv then took over and hit a really cool-looking pumphandle Code Red thingy. The babyfaces finally hit double Razor's Edges on the heels and were about to finish them when the rest of Judgment Day ran in. Dom hit a 619/Frog Splash combo and got a nearfall. Dom tried to put Priest through a table but Priest clotheslined him inside out. Back in the ring Rhea hit Riptide for the win. This was solid and the crowd stayed with it the whole time. ***1/4
The main event slot went to Gunther vs. Randy Orton for the Fake World Title. This was an Orton special where everything was fine but took way to long to happen. This was a really good 25-minute match that went 35. At one point the crowd starting doing the wave, which is generally not a good thing during your main event. Orton played along with it, drawing the following idiotic comment from Michael Cole: "Randy is playing along, and that's why he's The Viper, that's why he's the best psychological mind in the business." Huh? Jesus WWE's commentary is insufferable. Miss me with that "Michael Cole is the greatest announcer ever" shit. Cole also quoted scumbag JBL's old line about "If I were to build a professional wrestler (or sports entertainer as John used to say) from the ground up it would look like Randy Orton." Hey WWE, John Leyfield is a victim-blaming piece of garbage. Stop associating with him if you want us to take "bad man gone" seriously. Also at one point Michael claimed Randy Orton weighs 290 pounds. What is he, Gorilla Monsoon now? Is he gonna start misusing the word "literally" too? Anyway Orton rammed Gunther shoulder-first into the steps early on and the injury often prevented Gunther from using his signature offense. Later in the match Orton suplexed Gunther twice on the announce table and toward the end he actually put him through it from the ring steps. But Gunther locked in a sleeper, which Orton fought out of a few times, until finally Gunther pulled him to the mat and wrapped his legs around until Orton passed out. A good main event that could have been pretty great had it not been so sluggish. ***3/4
So Bash in Berlin was certainly an improvement over SummerSlam but once again I find myself asking repeatedly, "THIS is what WWE fans think is the best shit they've ever done??" The longer Triple H books this company the less I find myself respecting his talents.
Best Match: Cody vs. KO
Worst Match: Women's Tag
What I'd Change: Cut the main event down to 25 minutes, lose the stupid fucking bracelet and the four corners rule from the strap match, and get Jade to the point where she can do more than a two-minute flurry of offense. She's been at this for like three years no.
Most Disappointing Match: Gunther vs. Orton
Most Pleasant Surprise: That Punk vs. Drew didn't totally suck.
Overall Rating: 7.5/10
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