WWE Survivor Series: Watered Down WarGames III has come and gone, and it was basically exactly what I expected, a mediocre show with two overlong gimmick matches, and I do mean overlong. The two WarGames bouts totaled eighty, EIGHTY minutes, most of which was pretty skippable. I'll keep saying it till they listen: WWE WarGames needs to either go away or be a once-in-a-great-while event. Both of the top-billed matches would've been infinitely better as elimination bouts. If you're not gonna either reintroduce blood or create some truly unforgettable moments, don't try to recreate the magic of Dusty's brainchild. There was some decent wrestling on this show but nothing worth going out of your way to see except maybe the Intercontinental Title match.
The opening match, the Women's WarGames, didn't officially start until 15 minutes into the show. Why does this company waste so much airtime on window dressing? Bayley and Nia Jax, yes, the cosmically inept Nia Jax, started the match. Miss me with Triple H's "I only see talent" bullshit. Nia is there because her cousin is on the Board of Directors, period. Nia and Bayley exchanged awkward sequences for a while until Bayley removed a leather sleeve she was wearing and started whipping Nia. Nia took it away and whipped her right back. Naomi entered to the rescue, bringing in a kendo stick (of fucking course) and a toilet seat. Sorry, why is a toilet seat under the ring? Event security needs to be way more diligent leading up to showtime apparently. Naomi beat Nia down with the stick and the babyfaces double-teamed Nia until Candice LaRae came in for the save, bringing in two chairs. Nia grabbed one and clumsily whacked both faces with it. The heels took out both of them. Bianca entered next and brought in a trash can, a fire extinguisher, a table and a chair. Does every entrant need to bring in multiple stupid weapons? And doesn't it undermine the urgency of saving your friends when you spend a minute and a half searching for shit under the ring? Tiffany Stratton was next for the heels, and she brought in a trash can. Tiffany cleaned house and then did some bad-looking tandem moves with Nia. Iyo Sky was next and had to run to the opposite side of the ring to find a weapon, in this case a custom trash can with a rope attached so she could do her top-of-the-cage dive (if the implication is that Iyo placed that under the ring, why did she put it as far away from the entrance as possible?). Candice cut her off and they set up a sunset flip bomb but Iyo lost her grip and they had to settle for a top rope dropkick. Iyo beat everyone up with a chair until Nia knocked her down. Raquel Rodriguez entered next and, you guessed it, stopped to find stuff to bring in with her, in this case a table, which she didn't even bring in. She looked for something else but couldn't find it. If you're gonna have everyone bring in a weapon shouldn't you also have them memorize where to look for it so they don't come off like idiots? Nia and Raquel beat everyone up. Rhea Ripley was the final entrant for her team and brought in the table Raquel pulled out, but got triple teamed. But the babyfaces ran wild and Rhea whacked everyone with the toilet seat. Liv Morgan was last, and hesitated because Rhea was the only woman standing. Liv brought in a baseball bat. Rhea removed the mask she was wearing to protect her injured orbital bone but the heels ganged up on her. Liv beat her down with the bat. Everyone took turns hitting moves on each other. Iyo and Tiffany each climbed opposite corners so everyone else could get into position - uhh, shouldn't the climb be AFTER everyone's in position? Did all the participants read the script? Iyo hit her trademark trashcan moonsault on one side while Tiffany hit a swanton. Ring psychology my ass. Tiffany pulled her Money in the Bank briefcase out of a trashcan and teased a cash-in but Iyo sprayed everyone with the fire extinguisher while Rhea handcuffed Raquel to the ropes. Nia put Bianca on a table and teased a Vader Bomb but Bianca and Naomi powerbombed her through it. Liv hit Oblivion on Bayley but Rhea made the save and the two rivals fought. Liv went for Oblivion off the top rope but Rhea countered into a Riptide through the table for the win. Last few minutes of this were entertaining but as usual this was sanitized, weapons-heavy and mostly devoid of a story. It was about Rhea and Liv, who didn't enter until the end of the match. And in what universe do you put Nia in for the whole thing?? **1/2
Next up was LA Knight vs. Shinsuke Nakamura for the US Title. Nak took most of this and there was very little heat. Knight would make brief comebacks to a small crowd reaction but the arena was very silent for most of this. Nak hit his reverse suplex off the top rope for two. Nak went for the Kinshasa but Knight moved and hit a top rope elbow. Nak rolled out to prevent a BFT, and hit a reverse DDT on the steel between the rings. Kinshasa to he back of the head for the win. Nice to see Nakamura finally get thrown a bone. Not much of a match though. **
Third spot went to Bron Breakker vs. Sheamus vs. Ludwig Kaiser. This was hard-hitting and energetic, and Bron looked really good as usual. The most memorable spot was when Sheamus and Kaiser were fighting in front of the announce table and Breakker came off the apron and clotheslined both of them over it. Sheamus took Kaiser out with his shillelagh and it was down to Bron and Sheamus. Sheamus hit the Celtic Cross for two. Breakker came back with a top rope Frankensteiner but Sheamus sent him into a corner chair and hit the Brogue Kick. Kaiser pulled the ref out of the ring to stop the count. Kaiser beat Sheamus down with the shillelagh but ran into a running knee for two. Kaiser hit a DVD and an arm-trap DDT, but Breakker speared the shit out of him and hit a second spear on Sheamus for the win. Easily the best thing on the show and I'd like to see Breakker-Sheamus one-on-one. ****
The semi-main event was Gunther vs. Damien Priest for the World Title. Priest had the advantage early but Gunther came back and went after Priest's shoulder, ramming him into the dasherboards and the ring post. Gunther worked it over for a while. Priest made a comeback and hit an elevated Flatliner for two, and locked in a modified gogoplata, tried a Razor's Edge but Gunther countered with a sleeper followed by a powerbomb. Priest hit a top rope hurricanrana and a Razor's Edge for two. Priest went for South of Heaven but Gunther locked in a kimura (messily). Priest made the ropes. They traded clotheslines. They battled on the top rope but Priest shoved Gunther to the mat and fell to the floor. Finn Balor hit a double stomp off the apron and Gunther hit a powerbomb followed by a modified sleeper to retain. Better than their SummerSlam match but still nowhere near what Gunther was producing as Intercontinental Champion. ***1/2
Finally the men's WarGames began (after like twenty minutes of ads and entrances, Jesus). Jey Uso and Tama Tonga kicked things off. They did a forever staredown and then exchanged some basic stuff. Bronson Reed came in next and of course stopped off for some chairs, five to be exact. Jey whacked Reed a couple times but Reed took over and the heels double-teamed him. Jimmy Uso was next and refreshingly went straight into the ring with no weapons to save his brother (There were after all five chairs already in the cage). The Usos beat up both heels before Jacob Fatu entered. Fatu ran wild and the three heels beat up the Usos. Punk tried to enter next but Roman stopped him and sent Sami Zayn out instead. Punk looked annoyed. Sami ran wild and had a little reunion moment with Jimmy. Tanga Loa was out next and stopped off for a couple tables. The heels beat up the babyfaces until CM Punk came in, cutting off Roman. Punk paused and grabbed a toolbox from under the ring (Weird, I don't remember seeing that toolbox during the women's match). Punk knocked everyone down with the box and then bulldogged Fatu on it, but Fatu no-sold it and hit a Samoan Drop. Still peddling the ol' "Pacific Islanders have thick skulls" gimmick, are we? Solo Sikoa entered next but not before a staredown with Roman. Solo slammed the cage door on Sami's head, then Jey's, then Jimmy's, and brought in a chain. The heels beat up the babyfaces for two straight minutes. Solo chained the cage door shut and the announcers acted like Roman can't climb a fence. Roman walked to the ring in his usual slo-mo fashion and tried to break the chain, and only after hesitating for thirty seconds did it occur to him to climb the stupid cage. Then he dropped to the top turnbuckle and the five heels obediently lined up so he could dive on top of them. Roman helped his teammates to their feet but ignored Punk, who stood up and got in his face. Paul Heyman came out to try and make peace. The ten guys lined up in opposite rings and broke into a brawl. They did a spot where Punk went for a GTS on Fatu and Roman accidentally speared him, except Solo moved out of the way of the spear way early so it looked stupid. Solo hit the Samoan Spike on Roman for a nearfall. Heels hit a bunch of moves on Punk but Sami and Jimmy ran in. Reed set Roman up on a table and went for a splash off the cage but Punk pulled Roman out of the way. Roman helped Punk up but Fatu superkicked them both. Solo spiked Roman twice for a nearfall that Jimmy broke up. The Usos hit Fatu with the 1D and set up a table. They put Fatu on it and Jimmy came off the cage with a splash. Sami helped up all his teammates and they surrounded Solo. See if you can predict what order everyone hit their moves on Solo. Yup, Usos with superkicks, Sami with Helluva Kick, Punk with GTS, Roman with a spear. End of match. Roman and his original Bloodline hugged while Punk looked on. Punk then hugged everyone except Roman. Punk and Roman finally shook hands. I'll ask this again: why are we expected to cheer Roman again? Just because his former underling tried to take over his group? Or is it out of nostalgia for "two years ago?" Gotta be one of the biggest unearned babyface turns of all time. The OG Bloodline and Punk posed twice to end the show, with everyone raising the one finger in the air and Punk doing the GTS pose, like a rebellious teenager in a family portrait. This was better than the women's match but again, lots of filler and played out pretty much exactly as you'd expect. No kendo sticks in this one at least, thank Christ. Survivor Series matches >>>> WWE WarGames matches. ***3/4
Another year, another middling Survivor Series: WarGames show. I don't know why Triple H hates the Survivor Series concept so much but it offers so many more possibilities and configurations than a WarGames match does. Every WarGames has to play out in the same way: disadvantaged team gets beat up until they even the odds, advantaged team gets beat up until they get the man advantage again. Why can't we go back to this event's roots?
Best Match: Bron Breakker vs. Sheamus vs. Ludwig Kaiser
Worst Match: LA Knight vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (You know they've done a number on Nakamura when he's in the weakest match of the night)
What I'd Change: I've already said it - replace WarGames with Survivor Series, at your SURVIVOR SERIES event.
Most Disappointing Match: The women put on probably the worst WWE WarGames match to date.
Most Pleasant Surprise: They actually gave Nakamura a decisive title win
Overall Rating: 7/10
Better than WrestleMania XL, Royal Rumble 2024 or SummerSlam 2024?: No, yes and yes
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