The 38th WWE Royal Rumble is in the books, and it was a solid show, better than it's been in a handful of years anyway. There wasn't anything great on the show I didn't think, but nothing bad either. Picking a best match and worst match is tough because everything was in the 3.5 to 4 star range. I had some gripes about some things but we'll get to that. It was definitely too long a show, that's for sure. Four hours and eighteen minutes is a long time for any PPV.
The show kicked off with the women's Rumble, and I think this was the most fun match for me. Despite less star power than the men's, this match had a lot of exciting young talent, many of them from NXT, and the match cut a good pace that kept everything moving. Iyo Sky, Ivy Nile, Lash Legend, Jordynne Grace, and Stephanie Vaquer all looked very good. Nia Jax got to be the Kane of this match and eliminate 9 women. I was surprised Becky Lynch didn't return, but instead we got Alexa Bliss. As expected Charlotte Flair ended up winning, last eliminating Roxanne Perez of all people. Also Iyo, Roxanne and Liv Morgan all beat Bayley's record from last year, which as I said in my preview has gotten out of hand. If you keep breaking the longevity record it becomes pretty meaningless. They certainly didn't need to do it three times in this one match. Both Rumbles went excessively long, this one at 70 minutes. But it looks like Tiffany vs. Charlotte for Mania most likely, unless the plan is a rubber match with Rhea Ripley. ***3/4
Participants: Iyo Sky, Liv Morgan, Roxanne Perez, Lyra Valkyria, Chelsea Green, B-Fab, Ivy Nile, Zoey Stark, Lash Legend, Bianca Belair, Shayna Baszler, Bayley, Sonya Deville, Maxxine Dupri, Naomi, Jaida Parker, Piper Niven, Natalya, Jordynne Grace, Michin, Alexa Bliss, Zelina Vega, Candice LeRae, Stephanie Vaquer, Trish Stratus, Raquel Rodriguez, Charlotte Flair, Giulia, Nia Jax, Nikki Bella
Final Four: Charlotte Flair, Roxanne Perez, Nia Jax, Nikki Bella
Long Man: Roxanne Perez (1:07:47)
Next up was the Tag Team Title match between DIY and Motor City Machine Guns, and while this was well-worked, the crowd was dead as Dillinger for it, and true to WWE form it didn't get nearly enough time for a 2/3 Falls match. Should've just been a single fall I guess. DIY won the first fall with a clever spot, where Tomasso Ciampa faked a tag to Johnny Gargano, which Gargano didn't actually take. Thus they tricked Alex Shelley into thinking Gargano was legal, but Ciampa hit him with a running knee for the fall. This probably should've been the finish to the full match. The Guns came back in the second fall with a Skull & Bones finisher. Then in the third fall the Guns had the match won but Street Profits came in with a distraction allowing DIY to hit their Meet in the Middle finish to retain. And then Street Profits attacked THEM after the bell, which was just confusing. This was fine but a disappointment overall, and the crowd didn't care much about it. ***1/4
Cody Rhodes and Kevin Owens were next, and they had a good ladder match but not a great one. Again, true to WWE form, everything felt slower than it should have for a match of this type, and while there were some big spots and bumps, there was a lot of filler as well. The big spots were Owens hitting Cody with a fisherman buster from the top rope through a ladder bridge, which brought out Nick Aldis, Sami Zayn and the medical staff to check on both of them. Considering we've seen way worse in ladder matches that DIDN'T bring the match to a halt while the medical staff checked in, this felt silly and overdramatic. The finish came when Owens went for a package piledriver on the announce table but Cody countered with an Alabama Slam through another ladder bridge, and Owens landed in a ball with his head through the rungs. Cody then took FOREVER to climb the ladder and get the belts. I considered this another mild disappointment but it was still solid. ***3/4
The men's Rumble was also way too long, at 80 freakin' minutes. But it ultimately had a big-fight feel once it got to the second half. The first 15 participants were lacking in star power and they probably should've spread out the big names. Rey Mysterio and Penta started things off and there were multiple botches, including Penta doing what was supposed to be a near-elimination, but he failed to keep one foot off the floor. But they went ahead as though nothing went wrong. Carmelo Hayes looked very good here but only got to stay in for 7 minutes (What a shock). Akira Tozawa was supposed to enter at number 8 but was attacked in the aisle by Santos Escobar and deemed unable to continue (quite dumb since it was a routine attack). Worse was that Triple H decided "We need someone else to take his spot....uhhh, IShowSpeed, you're in my line of sight, you go!" So stupid. Speed only lasted a minute and got absolutely KILLED by Bron Breakker, who got a good amount of time but should've stayed in way longer and eliminated more guys than anyone else. This would've been a good time to give him a Diesel 1994 or Brock 2020-type run. His elimination at the hands of Roman Reigns was lame too. Roman came in and speared a buncha guys, and then he and Bron charged at each other but Bron beat him to the spear. Bron then picked Roman up and Roman basically no-sold the spear, spun him around and tossed him out (I assume no WWE fans took issue with that delayed selling, despite skewering it whenever Will Ospreay does it). Shinsuke Nakamura despite being US Champion only got three minutes of ring time. The way WWE has destroyed this man's aura needs to be studied. John Cena came in at 23, and CM Punk came in at 24. Punk made his entrance and there was a three-way face-off between Punk, Cena and Roman, and they stood there until the next number. Like Punk did absolutely nothing with his entrance moment. Jesus. Seth was next and there was finally some action between the four guys. But Punk kinda came off as a non-entity in this match until the end of his run, when he dumped Roman and Seth, and after Logan Paul of all people dumped Punk, there was a three-way brawl outside the ring. Does this mean a triple threat at 'Mania, because that seems silly. Punk vs. Seth is the feud, why does Roman need to be involved? It all came down to John Cena, Logan Paul, and Jey Uso (another non-entity until the final moments). Cena tossed Logan and then he and Jey had an interminably long face-off like they were Hogan and The Rock. Guys, you don't need to milk the audience reaction for EVERYTHING. Cena and Jey isn't exactly a dream match. Anyway they had a good finishing exchange on the apron before Jey slid back in and just nudged Cena off the apron, and Cena landed gently on his feet. Jey Uso winning this was certainly a choice. I mean, at least he's a first-time winner, but his big singles match at last year's WrestleMania way underdelivered, and he's already lost to Gunther clean ("I may have lost but I now know I can beat him." Uhh what??). Not the most exciting outcome for this and I'd much rather have seen Bron Breakker get the upset. So the men's match was probably the most memorable thing on this show but I definitely had some gripes with it. Side note: apparently Drew McIntyre was really unhappy with how he was eliminated, and at the time I thought, "Wow, that was unceremonious." Damian Priest tossed him out but evidently LA Knight took the attention off it by being out of position. We'll see what happens with that. At eighty minutes this is now the longest WWE match in history I believe. ***3/4
Participants: Rey Mysterio, Penta, Chad Gable, Carmelo Hayes, Santos Escobar, Otis, Bron Breakker, IShowSpeed, Sheamus, Jimmy Uso, Andrade, Jacob Fatu, Ludwig Kaiser, The Miz, Joe Hendry, Roman Reigns, Drew McIntyre, Finn Balor, Shinsuke Nakamura, Jey Uso, AJ Styles, Braun Strowman, John Cena, CM Punk, Seth Rollins, Dominik Mysterio, Sami Zayn, Damian Priest, LA Knight, Logan Paul
Final Four: Jey Uso, John Cena, Logan Paul, CM Punk
Long Man: Penta (42:05), except he actually got eliminated in the first couple minutes
So yeah, as with most WWE PPV offerings these days pretty much everything was fine. No real lows, no real highs. We got one of the better women's Rumbles and an above-historic average men's Rumble, plus two pretty good undercard bouts that should've been better. I think I enjoyed the women's Rumble the best but the men's was more impactful.
Best Match: Men's Rumble by a hair
Worst Match: DIY vs. MCMG
What I'd Change: Make the tag match a single fall and shorten both Rumbles
Most Disappointing Match: Cody vs. Owens, which I'd hoped would fall in the pantheon of great World Title matches at the Rumble, but didn't reach those heights.
Most Pleasant Surprise: The women's Rumble, which exceeded my expectations
Overall Rating: 8/10
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